Christmas 2007 at the beach.

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Know When It's Time To Let Go!

Know When It’s time To Let Go!
- Gil Bryan

Look, you’re going to have to face a very important fact in life and that is you CANNOT make someone love you. And know matter how great of a person you are and no matter how willing you are to prove your love to someone, it just won’t happen.

For women, this is especially important because you are like incubators. In fact, the biblical term for woman comes from the combination of two words; Wombed and Man. Which means that even though you were created like a man, you have a special component called the womb that incubates things.

The womb is unique because it takes whatever it is given and incubates (matures, develops) it, multiplies it, and returns it to the giver.

Case in point, if you give a woman a sperm, she takes it, incubates it, and gives it back in the form of a baby.

Because of this uniqueness that God has put inside you, many times you will try to hold on to and try to develop relationships that have no life in them.

Here are four things that will help you get the most out of your relationship without losing your mind:

1. Learn how to love yourself

You can only love someone to the degree that you love yourself. Period.
If you try to hold on to a relationship to the point of allowing people to take you for granted then you are not helping the relationship. Instead you are hurting it. Plus, you are giving the other person permission to use and abuse you.

And please don’t use the excuse that you (or rather someone you know) hold on to a dead-end relationship because you are trying to be nice to the other person. Nice is taking care of you first!

2. Practice saying, “No”

We are constantly bombarded with the idea that saying “No” to people is being rude. But who cares? Which is better? To be nice and say “yes” when you really didn’t mean it or to be upfront and say, “NO!”?

You will reduce a lot of stress and build your self-esteem up just by getting in the habit of saying, “No!”

In fact, you should practice saying, “No!” How? The next time one of those annoying telemarketers calls you during dinner time, don’t look at the caller I.D. and let it go to voicemail. Instead, pick up the phone and nicely and politely tell the sales rep “NO!!”

3. Stop trying to convince someone that you’re a ‘good catch’

You got all the goods. You look great! You’re in tune with yourself spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. You have a great personality. You have tremendous sex appeal. You make a lot of money. But who the heck are you trying to convince?

When you meet someone you should never try and prove to them that you are such a great catch.

Simply BE!

Then allow people them the opportunity to see your great qualities. But, if for some reason they don’t see it, don’t waste your time trying to make them see it.

Believe me; people always know when greatness has come in their life, especially when it’s gone.

4. Keep moving

How long are you going to stay in a stale, dried up, never going anywhere relationship?

What the heck are you afraid of? Being alone? Being by yourself?

Remember, you came into this world alone and you are going to leave this world alone. But why spend your good years being the whole of a half relationship?

What I mean is, why be in a relationship where you’re both the man and the woman? You have someone else there but all they are doing is taking up space.

Either kick them out or you ‘get to stepping’. Either way, do whatever it takes to set yourself Free.

© 2006 Gil Bryan

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Gil Bryan is a motivational speaker, teacher, trainer, and author of "Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They Do In Relationships". To get a FREE preview of this book visit http://www.GilBryan.com.

How To Deal With A Man Your Dating When He Makes Less Money Than You?

How To Deal With A Man Your Dating When He Makes Less Money Than You?
- By Gil Bryan, "The Dream Motivator"

We've all been taught that money doesn't buy happiness – but this is the real world, and we all know how stressful it can be to worry about money!

If you're a typical single woman, you work hard to pay bills, buy food, clothes and gas, and keep a roof over your head.

You've gone through a lot to establish your financial identity. You deserve to be proud of yourself for achieving all of that on your own.

But out in the dating world you're going to be meeting men who may not make as much money as you do.

And I know there are some women that this is not an issue for them. So it's especially daunting for them, when the dating ritual goes sour.

So below I listed some things to watch out for when dating a man that makes less than you do and some suggestions on how to deal with this situation:

Monitor your attitude

Many women simply refuse to date men who make less money than they do, just as some women won't date short men, men of another race, or men with different religious beliefs. And while it makes sense to avoid hooking up with a man who's frequently in the unemployed state, refusing to date someone based on their income really limits your dating options.

If you're a lawyer and you meet a wonderful man who owns a small coffee shop or you're a nurse and he's a delivery driver, are you going to determine if he’s a good man or a man worth you dating based on the size of his paycheck?

Remember, most millionaires were dead broke before they made their fist million!

But with that being said, if you do start dating a man who makes less money than you he may have a few more issues with the situation than you do. And as a wise woman you'll have to be sensitive to his feelings.

Understand that no matter what you see in the media nor how many men may deny it, the truth is most men have their self-esteem and identity wrapped up in how much they earn. So one of the worst things you can do to a man that your dating or in a relationship with is to emasculate him with respect to money… especially out in public.

Making comments like, “I wish we could come with you, but we can’t afford it” said in front of a group of people will encourage your man to start looking for another woman.

Now maybe in your mind you may not be thinking that he's less of a man (or anything else negative) because you make more money than he does, but comments like that may make him feel like your ‘putting the slap down’ on his manhood.

Make him feel like he’s the man

Even though your man may make less money than you, you still want to make him feel like he’s the man. Go ahead and let him buy you flowers, take you to dinner, and buy you small, inexpensive gifts. And when he does, thank him as if he just bought you the world. But don’t thank him because he bought you the gift, thank him for showing you, by this gesture, that he was thinking about you.

Avoid out doing his gifts

Avoid giving him elaborate, expensive gifts, even if you can easily afford them. Later, if your dates turn into a long-term relationship, how you spend your money shouldn't make a difference. But if you give him a big-screen TV or buy him an expensive suit while you're in the early dating stages, the fact that he can't do similar things for you may bruise his ego. And you know how we men are about our egos!

Remember I’m talking about a real man here. If your man is a bum and looking to feed off you then that’s a whole different ball game.

Set high goals but be realistic

Remember it’s o.k. to set high standards but make sure your standards are based on a true foundation and not these worldly ideals puffed up by society. These shall soon fade away.

Don't miss out on an opportunity to date that great guy that works on your car, teaches at your child's school or waits tables at your favorite restaurant. Heck, at least he has a job.

Be open-minded. There are a lot of really smart, loving, unattached guys who are attractive in non-traditional ways.

© 2006 Gil Bryan

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Gil Bryan is a motivational speaker, teacher, trainer, and author of "Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They Do In Relationships". To get a FREE preview of this book visit http://www.GilBryan.com.

Why Should The Man Be The Head?

This week I respond to a ladies question via video. Her question was, "Why Should The Man Be The Head?"

It's a short video and my first. I know I have to get better at looking into the camera and not at my notes, and a bunch of other stuff, but I really wanted to get this information out to you.

After watching the video, post your comment below.

Enjoy...

Gil

Gil Bryan of www.GilBryan.com and www.findandkeepagoodman.com answers the question, "Why Should The Man Be The Head?"

How To Get Your Man To Talk To You

Many women feel like their man just doesn’t like to communicate to them. This is because they believe that in order for him to be communicating to them; he has to communicate the way they think he should be communicating.

A woman may not even realize that her man is, and has been, communicating to her, but she hasn’t been hearing him.

When men communicate, they do it the way they are primarily made up, and that is logically.

When women communicate, they do it the way they are primarily made up, and that is emotionally.

And as I have said before, one is not better than the other, they are just different.

Since he is logical, he is going to be solution oriented. So, what he is trying to communicate to you must pass through his mind. In other words, he must think it through first. And this process usually takes some time.

But if you don’t understand this about men, a man’s way of communicating may become frustrating to you. Plus, you could end up pushing him to communicate like you do.

For example, since you are a talker you want him to be a talker, too. So, since he is not communicating to you like you think he should; by talking, you write him off as being insensitive or uncaring. And you figure that, if he is so insensitive and uncaring to your needs, you are better off either by yourself or with someone else.

And, because you did not invest the energy and time to get the right knowledge, you simply jump out of one relationship and into another, only to find yourself in the same predicament again.

But before you jump ship try applying these 5 keys to getting your man talking… to you:

1. Don’t ask you’re man what he is feeling, ask him what he is thinking

When trying to get your man (or any man for that matter) to communicate to you, don’t ask him 'what he is feeling'. Instead ask him what he is thinking. Feeling is an emotion that does not compute with him. (Note: I did not say he doesn’t have feelings.)

It’s just when communicating a man must process what you are saying through his mind (his logical side), and you are trying to get him to talk through his feelings or his emotional side. When this happens, a man will most likely clam up, short circuit, and decide to not say anything.

Or, he will do like most men do, either he will get angry and walk away or get angry and attack.

But it is imperative that you do not come to any conclusion about what he is feeling until you find out what he is thinking.

2. Give him the space and time he needs to think his thoughts through.

A man needs time to get his thoughts together. This could take a little while or a long while. How long this may take really depends on your man. But a good way for you to give him the space and time he needs to get his thoughts together is to ask him when he thinks it will be a good time for you two to get together and talk.

Notice I said, when ‘he thinks’. If your man feels like you are trying to control or push the idea on him, it will cause him to back away from the idea.

3. Set a time and date

Set a time and date for the ‘talk’. Setting a time and date is important to a man because it appeals to his logical side. But don’t set a time and date too far into the future because anything after a few days, most men will simply forget or put it out of their minds.

4. Set boundaries

Before the ‘talk’ even begins set boundaries which you both agree can’t be crossed. For example, start off by agreeing that there will be no yelling, no name calling, and no finger pointing. And, there will be no use of words like ‘never’ and ‘always’. In other words, you wouldn’t want to say things like, “You never listen to me”, “You always wait for me to pick up after you” or “You always do that”.

5. Write down your questions and concerns

If your man continues to put off the ‘talk’ then write down your questions and concerns and ask him to read over them at a time that is convenient to him.

This is good because even though he knows the ‘talk’ is important to you he also feels comfort in knowing that you are not pushing it on him. Which makes him feel like he is still in control. And also gives him time to process (think about) your concerns as he goes through his day.

Plus, as an added bonus, by you writing out your concerns and organizing your thoughts, you are learning different and better ways of communicating.

Remember, that is what this is all about, you being in control of you. You can’t control other people but you can control you. And the more you learn what it takes to be a better you, the wiser you become. And as your wisdom increases so does your value – to the point where you become priceless.


The secret of men has been revealed! Why are some women great at finding and keeping a good man while other women are not? Get Gil Bryan’s, “9 Spiritual Laws To Attract And Keep The Man Of Your Dreams!”
http://www.GilBryan.com

5 Ways To Turn A Nightmare Relationship Into A Dream Come True

5 Ways To Turn A Nightmare Relationship Into A Dream Come True
By Gil Bryan

Is your relationship the type of relationship that you dreamed it would be when you were 5, 10, 13? You know back before all the heartaches, disappointments and despair?

Or is your relationship journey turning into nightmare reruns?

It’s strange how life has a way of turning our dreams into nightmares; that is if we let it.

But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to let go of your dream.

Here are 5 Ways To Turn A Nightmare Relationship Into A Dream Come True:

1. Make a Decision

Don’t wallow in self-pity. Don’t play the ‘woe is me’ game. God 'ain’t' having it! No matter how bleak your romantic life is or how alone you may feel in your current relationship, you have to remember that you are just one decision away from changing your life, your future, your destiny.

So do it today, do it now!

Think about this… you have lived your life for some 25, 35, 45 years or more. You have been through a lot of things and yet still you rise! Which means that what you’re going through now is just another notch on your belt to your road to success.

2. Get up

So you’ve fallen. And maybe you’ve fallen for the wrong guy; over and over again. So what! This is your life! You have to enjoy the process of learning from your good choices and your bad choices.

But just remember in the words of Les Brown, “If you fall land on your back. Because if you can look up you can get up!”

3. Become the little kid again

Play! Play! Play! Don’t ever stop playing. Life is too short to stop playing. Laugh like a child. Play like a child! And by all means BELIEVE like a child… ‘for such is the kingdom of God’

There will be those that will come to try and wipe the smile off your face. Don’t spend your energy on these types of people. They are unhappy with themselves and want other people to be unhappy, too. Just recognize people like that and when you come in contact with them do step 4.

4. Run

Run as far away as you can from the dream stealers. This could be your so-called ‘best friend’, your family members, or even your spouse. I don’t care who they are. If you know in your heart, and they have omitted it with their mouth, that they don’t want to see you happy, you better run.

Or would you can rather face the other alternative. That is, stay and let them enslave you to their life of misery. And little by little allow them to snuff the flower of your life away? I didn't think so. So run!

5. Be Thankful

You presented your heart to the one(s) that swore they loved you. They took it, they crushed it and left you in despair. But remember, from the crushing of the world's most beautiful roses are derived the aromas of many of the world's sweetest perfumes.

So just thank them. For without their help you may have never arrived to the place of wisdom and knowledge that you are at now.


The secret of men has been revealed! Why are some women great at finding and keeping a good man while other women are not? Gil Bryan has created a FREE audio that reveals the secret. http://www.findandkeepagoodman.com/main.html

Does Love Have To Hurt?

I have a question for you.

What would you do if a perfect stranger came up to you while you were walking through the mall and smacked you square on the side of your neck?

Think about it for a second. What would you do?

Would you smack them back? Would you start screaming? Would you start running? Or would you start crying?

What would you do?

Now what if before you had a chance to do anything this stranger blurted out while gasping for breath, that he was, ‘sorry for hitting you like that, but there was a big hairy spider crawling up your collar and it looked like it was about to have you for lunch.”

Then you follow his hand as he points behind you to see this huge, black, fanged-spider curled up on the ground a few feet away from you.

Now, what would you do? Now, how would you respond?

Your response would be somewhat different now, wouldn’t it? The fact that this stranger slapped you on the side of your neck doesn’t seem so bad anymore does it?

But what changed between your initial reaction and your current response?

Nothing really; that is nothing on the outside. But there is something that changed on the inside, and that is your perception of what this stranger did.

See, once you understood ‘why this stranger did’ ‘what he did’; ‘what he did’ does not seem so bad.

In fact, you’re probably grateful that a perfect stranger cared enough about you to do something like this.

Understanding this truth is the key to understanding all relationships; especially between a man and a woman.

The biggest problem I see in relationships is that people get frustrated and angry with the opposite sex because they don’t have a clue as to ‘why’ the opposite sex does the things that they do.

But here is one key point you must understand. Everyone and I mean everyone will be motivated to do things or not do things based on their inner compass. And everyone’s inner compass is rooted in love.

If a person is strongly rooted and grounded in love then their inner compass will direct them one way, if a person is not strongly rooted and grounded in love then their inner compass will direct them another way.

This means that if you are in a relationship with someone, based on that person’s inner compass they can be motivated to do you good or to do you harm.

But it’s not just enough to analyze another person’s love compass. You have to first identify your own.

What things are you motivated to do or not do in a relationship?

What are some of the things you do in a relationship because you crave the need for love?

Do you find yourself in and out of relationships and you don’t even know what happened?

Are you sleeping with the opposite sex because you’re trying to fulfill that love void?

Do you get angry or abusive with the person you say you love and don’t understand why?

By taking the time to honestly search within yourself to find answers to questions like these you will gain three major benefits.

The first one is, once you identify your love compass it will be easier for you to treat people and respond to people the way you would want them to treat and respond to you.

The second one is, it will be easier for you to identify and empathize with the things that other people do in their search for love.

And lastly, you will greatly reduce the frustration, headaches, and the stress that can arise when dealing with the opposite sex.

***************************************************

Gil Bryan is a motivational speaker, teacher, trainer, and author of “Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They Do In Relationships”. ==> http://www.GilBryan.com. To get a free sneak preview of his book send a blank email to: WhyDoesHe_prev@sendnow.net

5 Mistakes Women Make With Men and How to Avoid Them!

As a hairstylist, I hear some funny things from women; and over the years, I've uncovered 5 Mistakes Women Make With Men that are often overlooked!

It's important you read what's below with an open mind and not feel that it's too simple! Each day I hear the sob stories of women who can't understand why things happen!

Now it's your turn to get the upper hand, so here are the 5 Mistakes Women Make With Men:

1. Calling him more times than he calls you

When you first meet a man, you're all excited about the potential of what could be. But hold your horses. If you appear desperate then you will make yourself less appealing to him.

Understand that men like a chase. I'm not talking about playing games with a man's emotion. I'm talking about allowing him to pursue you so that later on he can tell all his friends how he 'slow walked you down'.

Men just have this hunter mentality. This makes a man want to seek out and capture his prey. The last thing a hunter wants is his prey all up in face begging to be captured.

Do him and yourself a favor and make yourself scarce.

Go to the grocery store. Go to a friend's house. Or go to the local boys or girl's club and do some volunteer work. It doesn't matter where you go just make yourself scarce.

Men love this. Making yourself scarce makes you ten times more attractive to him.

2. Waiting for him to show up if he's not in place within 15-30 minutes of the agreed upon time

Let me tell you something, if a man says he will pick you up or meet you some where at 8 pm and he's not there within 15-30 minutes of the agreed upon time and you haven't heard from hiim, then leave.

If you were planning to go out to dinner with him, instead call your girlfriend (not another guy) and ask her if she would like to meet you for dinner. But just go.

Now don't leave with a negative attitude. A negative attitude will only serve to hurt you. Instead, do it with an attitude of concern because something could have happened to him.

Now when you do hear from Mr. No Show, if his excuse is a sorry one, don't even get upset. Why? Because now you know the type of person you're dealing with and you didn't have waste alot of your valuable time nor did you have to get emotionally drained.

But I'm going to warn you, if you make excuses for his lack of consideration then you have given him permission to disrespect you and take you for granted. And if you allow this in the beginning of your relationship, then it will become a way of life throughout the length of your relationship.

3. Leading lead him on

If you're not interested in him be up front and honest and tell him.

If you lie then all you're doing is sowing a seed of lies and deceit which you and you alone will have to reap back. And I don't care if all your friends are doing it. And I don't care if guys have done it to you in the past.

You have to be different. The reason why most relationships don't work is because everybody is doing the same wrong things.

Now you may be tempted to go out with a guy you're not the least bit interested in as a way to get a free meal or to just get out the house because you don't want to be alone.

But this is a selfish move on your part.

If you know he's interested you and you know you're not interested in him and/or you're definitely interested in someone else, don't lead him on.

Sort out your feelings with the other guy before bringing this new guy into the picture.

If you expect to standout you have to be different from the crowd. You do that by making it a point to treat people the way you want to be treated.

4. Making promises that you won't keep

I'm not really talking about you keeping your word to him. I'm more concerned about you keeping your word to yourself.

Let's suppose you say to yourself the next guy you meet you promise yourself that you won't have sex with him until you two get married.

Then you meet this nice, attractive man and before you know it, you're on your back staring up at the ceiling, wondering what side of the bed you underwear is on.

Then because of your guilt you try to force a relationship that was built on sand from the get go.

The reason we become distrustful and fearful in relationships is because we are distrustful and fearful of the person we see in the mirror.

5. Acting like you don't need a man when you know you do

The way to find, get and keep a good man is to be honest with you.

I'm not saying that you should appear desperate but you have to be at peace with the fact that, yes you want a man. And not just any man. A man that's good to you.

Do you know there are many women putting out this, "there are no good men out there" vibe and you know the bad part is, not only are they creating a negative image for themselves, but they are getting exactly what their putting out, '... no good men'.

And when they meet a potentially good man, 3 weeks into the relationship he stops calling. That's because there attitude manifested their reality.

Love yourself enough to be honest with yourself. Once you come clean with the fact that, yes, you do want a man that will caress you, love you, and protect you; then and only then, will you be on the road to truly finding and keeping the man of your dreams.

Well, there you have it...the 5 Mistakes Women Make With Men. If you are continually scratching your head trying to understand your relationship check out the Christian Relationship and Christian Dating Secrets to Finding and Keeping A Good Man web site today!


Gil Bryan is a motivational speaker, teacher, trainer, and author of a new book called, “Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They
Do In Relationships”. ==> http://www.GilBryan.com
To get a free sneak preview of this book send a blank email to: WhyDoesHe_prev@sendnow.net